I met my first gnat. I'm borrowing this term perfectly detailed from that book Where'd You Go, Bernadette that was popular a few summers ago. It was my sister, actually, who reminded me of these gnats.
"Omigod you met a gnat! Remember, in that book about that lady in Seattle that didn't mow her lawn or something and all the moms at school were mean to her?!"
My first gnat wasn't mean to me. She was just kind of mean in general.
We are new to the neighborhood and the start of kindergarten felt like my first day of school as well. What would I wear? What moms would I meet and in 10 years be able to look back and say, "I can't believe we've been friends since the first day of kindergarten!" Kindergarten, round two, that is. Because, I remind myself, I am not actually the one in school anymore. It's difficult to remember this when all of those old familiar smells come rushing back and the nerves of "will they like me?" feel like they've never left.
So back to this gnat. She buzzed around on the first day of school and already knew half of the parents. How did she do that? Was there a secret meet up that I totally missed? Her hair and outfit were perfect, as was her son's. We made small talk and I explained we were new to the neighborhood. She told me how much I was going to like it and how wonderful the families are around here. Other mom's chimed in and before long I felt like I was going to have a new crew in no time.
She invited us over for a playdate. I screenshotted the text and sent it to my mom and sister. "LOOK! A potential friend!" I confirmed the playdate and got excited.
My son Ben and I pulled our little car into a humongous driveway in front of an even bigger house. "Wow mom. Nice house." We both felt little. "Yes, it's big. Let's go check it out! I bet they have all kinds of fun stuff to play with."
"HI GUYS! Welcome! We are a 'no shoe house' so you can just leave them right here... come on in! Jensen is super excited to play with you. He's upstairs." Ben shot me a glance and made his way up the spiral staircase.
"Can I get you some water? You remember my husband from orientation night... Chad. Chad this is Allie." With zero eye contact, Chad murmured something in my direction that I think was a greeting.
"Hey Chad! Good to see you again. Yes, you were wearing the same shirt as my husband! Funny... small world. Love that shirt." He stared at me. I get uncomfortable around men who aren't overly friendly (ok, or friendly at all). They remind me of my dad who was unpredictable and angry about anything and everything. I always feel like I'm about to get into big trouble. Again, I felt little.
"Ok I'm going to the gym. Drink wine and put the kids to bed by 8:00," he instructed. It may have been my imagination, but I swear he threw his shoulders back extra far to look bigger and buffer as he strutted out of the living room. If he'd dropped his pants right there and asked me if I wanted to see how big his dick was, I wouldn't have been surprised.
"Loveyoubye!" she called after her husband.
Big Dick was gone.
We settled into the bar in the kitchen and drank our ice waters, two stools in between us.
She filled me in on who was who, where to eat, issues with the playground, and lots about private school.
"Ya, we can't eat anywhere in a strip mall... Chad doesn't like how the outside of restaurants in strip malls look. It's too bad, too, because there are so many good places in some of these strip malls." I felt confused because I've never really seen a "strip mall" in our area. There are businesses next to each other in a parking lot... maybe she's talking about those?
"It's like, we wouldn't have issues with mohawk kids in private school, you know? This public school is supposed to be so good, so we are trying it out. It's a huge risk! I've already talked to the principal twice about some of the kids' behavior. I can only imagine what kind of families these kids come from if they're picking on kindergartners... and have mohawks."
"I get something delivered from Nordstrom every day... it's like, if I'm home with the kids, I need to feel like I'm shopping. The FedEx guy is my friend."
She kept going.
"Your younger son will have to go to the private preschool on the hill. It's THE only one. Like, seriously. You should call right now and see if there's space..."
He's still in my uterus, but I'll check it out.
Ben came downstairs and, on the verge of tears, asked to speak with me. "Mom, Jensen and his little sister just locked me in his room and refused to let me out. I'm done with the playdate and I never want to come here again." Ben is a pacifist. He's never really been in big trouble and isn't one to start conflict. He's also a real trooper and this was a first. I was relieved to hear we were totally on the same page. I felt like I had been locked in a room of standards and gossip and while it can be fun at times, it was clear that this mom was not "my people."
"Shoot! Ben said his stomach is killing him. I'm so sorry, but we have to run. Thanks so much for having us over!"
We found our shoes at the entrance of the no shoe house and practically ran to our little car in the big driveway.
"I hated that." Ben prides himself on being honest.
"I did too. Let's remember that it's important to be kind, Ben. You attract more bees with honey."
I'd rather hang with bees than gnats.
